Autistic rhythmic communicating in the counselling room

In Episode 135 of The Autistic Culture Podcast, Dr Angela Kingdon continues her journey through the 10 Pillars of Autistic Culture as she explores Pillar two — Rhythmic Communicating. The 10 Pillars framework identifies key aspects of how autistic people naturally experience and interact with the world, moving away from the deficit-based medical model toward celebrating autistic ways of being.

Rhythmic Communicating recognises that autistic people have distinctive communication patterns and rhythms that differ from neurotypical norms. This includes things like needing processing time, communicating in bursts or extended monologues, using echolalia, scripting conversations, and having unique vocal patterns or "accents." Rather than viewing these as communication problems to be fixed, this pillar frames them as natural variations that deserve understanding and accommodation.

Here are my reflections on this topic. 😺🎉🥳

Sorry about my autistic accent

I cannot tell you the number of times in sessions autistic people have apologised to me when we’ve started sessions together:

“sorry I went on about that.”

“sorry I just went off on a tangent.”

“sorry if I seem verbose.”

“sorry I need some time to process that.”

“sorry I went silent for quite a bit.”

As they start to reveal their communication style, their pace of speech, their processing style, the shame just appears in an apologetic form. And this is where the therapy starts, in an explicit noticing of that apology followed by an exploration of how neurodivergent people communicate differently, and validation from me that their unique form of communication is welcome and highly appreciated.

The rhythm of our interaction makes allowance for all of this, and I’m aware that this might be the first time anyone has ever encouraged a person’s natural autistic communication style.

Echolalia – the voices in my head, the voice out loud

When I was going through a particularly stressful time bringing up young children, I noticed that the voice in my head would repeat every single sentence I heard. It was impossible to stop and it crowded my brain with noise – it was nauseating. I could tell it was a stress response and I didn’t think anything of it until I came across echolalia as an autistic thing. It’s well known that echolalia goes hand in hand with stress but I’ve also noticed in my work with autistic clients how they often treasure some of the phrases they’ve adopted.

Sometimes what comes with echolalia appearing in the family home is a large suitcase of shame. Many examples of people sharing with me how they would be told to ‘just stop saying that’, ‘just stop it’, ‘you’re getting on my nerves, why are you saying that over and over?’ etc. In therapy, this story would open the door to asking, “can I ask, what was that phrase?” followed by us saying it over and over together in the session, just enjoying the shape of the words, the energy in them, like we were turning over a glass jewel and revelling in its sparkliness. This is where autistic-focused therapy is about creating a space where we can begin to reconnect with that authentic voice that wants to bathe in the sensory joy of saying particular words, and then by osmosis, allowing the shame to change shape and dissolve away.

Sounds and accents in the home

In reflecting on the autistic accent in my family home, I notice myself turning with affection towards daily interaction with my boys. It is filled with funny voices, character acting, squeels, info-dumping, hand-flapping, tapping, words that aren’t words, linguistic precision, conversational detective exploration. I wonder what your family home is like? I know that growing up, there just wasn’t this sort of dimension of expression. It would have been seen as silly I guess. I am so glad to have the space to have an autistic voice in the home, and I often feel the absence of that when clients are talking about their childhood lives.

What we are drawn to

I have this thought that the autistic voice and accent is drawn to it being reflected in the content we consume. So maybe that’s part of the reason why I love (amongst many other artists) Eddie Izzard, Richard Ayoade, Shakespeare, T.S.Eliot, poetry, fairytales, folklore, surreal art, Queen, Kate Bush, research papers etc. Any why is this?

Linguistic precision and wordplay: Eddie Izzard's comedy is built on incredibly precise language use - he'll take a single word or phrase and explore every possible angle. T.S. Eliot's poetry is similarly precise, with every word carefully chosen for maximum meaning. Shakespeare also – it goes without saying! (Check out the Shakespeare is autistic podcast episode).

Unconventional rhythms and patterns: Kate Bush's music has unusual time signatures, unexpected pauses, and vocal patterns that don't follow typical pop structures. Queen's operatic sections and complex arrangements break conventional song formats, mirroring how autistic communication often has its own unique rhythm rather than following neurotypical conversational patterns.

Authenticity over social convention: Richard Ayoade's awkward, deadpan delivery prioritises genuine expression over smooth social performance. Kate Bush famously created exactly the art she wanted to make, regardless of commercial expectations.

Sensory richness: these artists seem to revel in the sensory qualities of language and sound - the way words feel in the mouth, the texture of vocal tones, the physical experience of rhythm.

Theatrical and character-based expression: Eddie Izzard's character voices, Shakespeare's dramatic personas - these reflect how many autistic people naturally communicate through different "voices" or personas rather than a single, consistent social mask.

These artists seem to prioritise authentic expression and sensory richness over conventional communication rules.

What content are you drawn to? Can you see connections with the tone of your autistic voice?

Scripting

Something that often comes up in the counselling room is the topic of scripting. And it comes up as another source of shame… along the lines of: “Oh I do this thing where I think about the situation beforehand, and prepare exactly what I’m going to say?” This is often followed by me saying “Did you imagine what you were going to say to me in this session?” followed by a sort of embarrassed ‘yes’ and a surprised ‘how did you know’ look. And the funny thing is. I do this thing too. I have conversations with my clients in my head about our sessions. I think I probably see my clients for more than the 50 minutes I’m with them because we are often having conversations in my head!

It’s a thing. Part of me thinks that maybe the autistic brain just likes to do this. We want to mean what we say and make sure we’re getting across exactly what wants to be said, and so it feels important to practice that and iron out all the creases so that the words delivered are exactly as you would want them to be.

Another aspect of scripting that comes up more is about using scripting to manage social situations. After going through autistic discovery, often people will experience shame knocking at the door which a pointy finger saying, ‘you shouldn’t be scripting any more, you should be able to unveil your more authentic autistic self’. But it’s really not true. In the counselling room I often talk about ‘intentional scripting’. So, whereas before you knew you were scripting but didn’t exactly know why, now can choose to intentionally script in order to ‘survive’ a non-negotiable event such as a wedding or a large family gathering. Together in the counselling room we come up with ideas to get through this. People might think this looks like encouraging masking, but it’s not really. It’s more about intentional masking to keep yourself safe.

In conclusion

In conclusion, I don’t really have one. I am breaking the rule of having to finish in a particular way. So that’s it for me. There’s so much more that can be said on this subject but I’ll leave it there for now. Happy Friday. (❁´◡`❁)

🐳🐙🐓🪼🦃🐦‍⬛🐦‍🔥🐧🪳🧟‍♂️⛷️👩‍🚀👨‍🎤🦹‍♂️